I have always known for as long as I can remember that I was “different” from everyone else around me, I just thought I was different rather than having Autism or any other disorder.
I played differently than other children. I used to line my toy cars up, where as other kids would drive them round the room…I thought they were the strange ones, not me.
As I got older I kept myself to myself only having one or two friends at a time because I couldn’t cope with more. It seemed too hard for me to keep more than one or two.
Once I left school, I never had more than one friend, and even that seemed like too much effort and hard work, it’s fine because I didn’t mind being on my own and as a result, I actually enjoyed the solitude and still do to this day.
All through my adult life, I’ve described myself as (half-joking) being cold-hearted, I do this to cover my lack of feeling towards other people.
I know many people on the Autistic Spectrum
are very caring and loving and have a lot of feelings
to the point of too much empathy
I’m the complete opposite as I don’t feel empathy and barely
have any feelings at all.
I have always seen my lack of feelings as a strength instead of a weakness as I don’t let emotion get in the way. I view EVERYTHING as “black and white” or “can or can’t” there’s no in-between, no grey areas, no middle ground, it’s how I am, it is what it is!
My daughter is the polar opposite to me, she is VERY emotional so gets hurt a lot, so I think my way is better than hers.
With this thinking, I have had many problems in previous relationships, I had been married twice and divorced twice, both lasting only 4 years start to finish. I was starting to think that marriage and me weren’t meant to be.
I had a long spell of being single like 5-6 years when I met my current wife. I was very weary of divorce, so I said I would not think about marriage until we were passed the 4 year mark.
Luckily for me, we are very similar, she suffers with depression and has never been a big talker, that was good for me because I talk enough for the both of us combined.
She has always liked being on her own too so she didn’t mind me being away. When I was home, she didn’t mind me being on my own either. We have a room each and these days spend a lot of time in our own company doing our own things.
I made her wait 7 years until we got married, but it works for us as it’s now 14 years together and counting…..
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