For anyone who reads my posts on a regular basis, will know that I’m married to Leigh, whom I have been with for 14 years. Over this time we have had our ups and downs, but worked through them. It’s the day to day stuff that I want to talk about today.
Between us, we have a few health issues that just makes life more difficult than it needs to be. Whether it’s illnesses or mental health issues, a recap for any new followers, Leigh has fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, IBS and is a shopaholic. I’m sure this last one is a condition most men can empathise with.
I have Asperger Syndrome, also called autistic spectrum disorder (ASD), social anxiety, sensitivities to food, cold, clothing and especially noise, I also have coronary heart disease (CAD).
Having all these conditions mixed together does mean our marriage is different to say the least, we have worked out a way in which we manage our day-to-day that works for both of us, and doesn’t cause either of us any problems, well not too many, anyway.
Above all else, the one thing that our relationship has, is trust, it just wouldn’t work otherwise, we both go out and live independently of one another, so that we both have the freedom to go out and do whatever we want, whether that’s just popping round to see a member of the family, or pursue a hobby, or more in Leigh’s ball park than mine, go and do some shopping.
If we are interested in what one another is doing we are welcome to tag along, or as is the case sometimes, especially when it comes to shopping, I get dragged along. Even when we are at home it’s no different as we spend most of our time in separate rooms, as we each have a room in our house set up the way we want, for the things we want to do.
For me this entails having a desk set up with my computer, which I can stay on top of the blog and write from. I also have my TV, which is a 50”, it was absolutely essential. If anyone has any doubt, just ask any man in your life they will tell you.
Leigh has her computer, a TV, (much smaller than mine) and she has an area for craft things that she does, I say craft things as I know some of the things she does, but not all. She also has a tablet and has usually got one device or another attached to her, either way, the way we live works.
We are both happy with the way things are. The one thing you may notice is that we have different styles of writing, more of Leigh’s writing will be coming soon. When she writes it’s just like she talking, I don’t know if mine comes across like that, she puts feelings into her work and I’m just giving you information, as that’s the way my brain works. I’ve tried to make it more like I’m talking, rather than just passing on information, and hopefully the more I do, the more it will improve. I’ll let you be the judge, your feedback is always welcome.
We are very similar in most areas and totally different in others, the reason we work so well are our similarities. We both have social anxiety, our anxieties are slightly different, in that, I don’t like being touched or interacting with people, where as Leigh hates anywhere that is too busy, and will avoid at all costs, as will I, but she has a worse reaction than me and can just freeze up if it’s really busy. in the fourteen years I’ve been with her, this has only happened once or twice that I know of, whilst out with me anyway.
The one thing Leigh can do that I can’t, no matter how hard I try, she can be nice and polite to people she doesn’t like, I have no idea how she can do this. I’m totally unable to. If I’m around anyone I don’t like, I will not hide the fact I don’t like them, I will ignore them if they ask me anything, or they will get one word answers, and these are the times when we go anywhere, that we know someone like this will be, I get a pep talk from Leigh before we go out, telling me if I can’t be nice just avoid, or if I can’t try to at least be civil.
Her idea of civil and mine are very different, and I know she understands why I’m the way I am, she realises it’s out of my control so it doesn’t cause any problems. I think for her it must be like being out with a naughty child. These kind of situations are avoided as much as possible, but every so often they come up and can’t be helped.
I love the way I have things, I find I need a lot of quiet time, time that I’m on my own so that I can concentrate on what I am doing, and I get that, and if I feel I ever need to talk to someone about something Leigh is just in the next room, I can go and talk to her, much to her disapproval, but most of the time it’s like I’m talking to myself anyway.
I have days with Juno and Aston but after these, I do need some quiet time to recharge, I can only take so much noise before I need this.
We still do things together, but neither one of us are needy of each other’s time, but the things we do, we enjoy, even if they are few and far between, but we are happy with our lives and fingers crossed with be in the future as nothing causes us to argue, as much as people may think from the outside looking in that our relationship is weird and they wouldn’t like it, most couples argue all the time over one thing or another, petty annoyances, we don’t argue at all, and I can honestly say I don’t know anyone who has a marriage as good as ours.